Is sexuality evolving? The short answer is “yes.” The internet has fostered the dissemination of information with incredible speed. Sexual topics, issues, and concerns are introduced, discussed, and experienced. Groups, communities, and support groups are formed as people with similar interests come together. For some, these are exciting times, as communication and openness foster acceptance and connection with others.
Such changes in our culture’s sexual landscape have been viewed by some with concern, fear, and hostility. In using a metaphor, sexuality is like a fire within every individual, ranging from a barely visible spark to a raging forest fire. While similar in nature, the presentation is different. Can you earnestly identify which presentation is better or more ideal? My initial reaction is “No.” Much like how differing presentations of fire, sexuality is not bad in itself, as naturally experienced by an individual. However, when sexuality is viewed through a particular cultural, political, or medical context, established values, beliefs, and principles collide, attempting to categorize sexuality as either good or bad. Personally, I do not feel comfortable with such categorizations and strive to develop acceptance towards one’s personal experience of his or her own sexuality.
Oftentimes, individuals can utilize their sexuality to disconnect from unwanted emotions. People may engage in isolating behaviors in order to hide certain parts of themselves from partners, peers, and even – themselves. Sexual exploration and expressions may develop into maladaptive interactions if such behaviors inhibit one’s normal functioning. This desire to escape negative experiences through sexual expression leads to an isolating cycle of personal suffering. In hopes of sidestepping painful situations, individuals desire comfort and attachment. When affirming attachment is not found in delving into sexuality, individuals are often left to confront their initial pain but also the subsequent shame tightly connected to sexualized behavior.
The diversity of individuals’ experiences varies immensely. It is critical that one’s concerns relating to sexuality are met with curiosity, openness, and kindness.
Rather than focusing on an individual’s dysfunctional or maladaptive sexual behaviors, it is crucial for counselors and therapists to take an empathic approach, focusing on relational connection and healing. The focus of therapy for sexual dependence or reported sexual concerns should lie in assisting clients in understanding their behaviors through a lens of acceptance and self-compassion. Commonly, individuals who struggle with aspects of their sexuality experience immense shame and rejection within other social situations.
When compared with individuals seeking recovery from substance misuse, those struggling with sexual-related issues are shamefully stigmatized as “perverts,” even though both groups share common goals of recovery (Rory, Harper, & Anderson, 2009). It is important for individuals to feel safe and accepted rather than rejected and shamed for their choices and desires.
Considering one’s attachment needs and past experiences with trauma are vital components for successfully treating sex dependency. Research continues to confirm that individuals caught in sexually dependent behaviors have often survived extensive childhood abuse or trauma. Therefore, maladaptive sexual behaviors are more than a choice; they are developed, purposeful coping strategies through which individuals have learned to find relief from terrifying, uncomfortable feelings. If the treatment only targets behavior modification, relapse or alternative means of self-medicating are likely to occur. Treatment plans for sexual dependency must incorporate its often traumatic roots, acknowledge attachment wounds, and actively work to assist clients in resolving deeply hidden emotional experiences while strengthening self-functioning.
Recent neuroscience and psychotherapy research has substantiated the positive effect that therapeutic relationships can have on clients. This reaffirms foundational theoretical concepts by Rogers (1951), Bowlby (1973), and Satir (1987), who believed that unconditional positive regard in therapeutic relationships activates human healing potential.
Alternative treatment considerations are currently being explored and implemented for those reporting sexual dependency concerns. One such promising approach aims to assist clients in unlocking their human potential, instilling opportunities for positive life transformation. AEDP is a recently developed treatment option for sexual dependence, proven to stimulate beneficial conversations allowing for healing possibilities. The treatment of sexual dependence with AEDP acknowledges the power of emotion within a cognitive-behavioral-dominated therapeutic field. It advocates for the power of complete transformation, in which clients are seen as more than just their maladaptive behaviors.
As painful experiences are processed, they are integrated as new, healing experiences for clients who begin to adopt adaptive behaviors. As pain subsides, energy is released. Rather than individuals further investing in previous coping strategies, individuals learn how to redirect their energies and focus on an exploration of self. This process has a spiritual dynamic to it, as both clients and therapists push into the unknown of the transformative potential, trusting that their connection becomes something bigger than themselves as it morphs into life-changing experiences.
Regardless of how individuals choose to pursue their therapeutic healing journey relating to sexuality, it is important to maintain dignity, respect, and acceptance towards individuals struggling with sexual dependence. It is my hope that continuing dialogues pertaining to this issue result in the provision of hope for those seeking freedom from their personal suffering.
